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Friday Briefing 2 (Notes for Civvy Street)

December 2, 2016 in How-to

All Unit Commanders (by Order): to be Issued to all Personnel on Transfer from Barracks/Discharge from Service

1. Speech:
•Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred; it is not 0530 or 1400. It is 5:30am or 2 in the afternoon.
•Words like “pit”, and “PT” will get you weird looks; use bed, workout – get used to it.
•It’s a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in “Roger That” or “Out”
•People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Dalton Bks with the CP platoon or that you spent a deployment with the RN…. no more acronyms.

2. Style:
•Do not put creases in your jeans.
•Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
•Do not refer to your suits numerically; your best jacket and trousers are not your number 1s.
•Wearing a hat indoors does not make you a Wren; it makes you like the rest of the world.

3. Women:
•Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal. Neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
•Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make “financial sense”. It makes you an idiot.

4. Personal accomplishments:
•In the real world, being able to do lots of press-ups will not lead to automatic promotion or help your career in any way.
•Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
•How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.

5. Drinking:
•In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you a written warning (or sacked), not a pat on the back from your boss.
•Shouting “Naked Bar” at your works Christmas party will have no effect.
•That time you drank a bottle of Absinthe and **** in your pal’s suitcase is not a conversation starter.

6.The human body:
•If your arse is sore, don’t ask your colleague on the next desk if he/she can see what’s wrong with it.

7. (Item deleted as unfit for integration into civilian society.)

8. Spending habits:
•One day, you will have to pay for the things that keep you alive; heat, light, shelter, food, doctor, etc, etc.
•Buying a £30,000 car on a £16,000 a year salary is a really, really stupid idea.
•Spending money on video games instead of on nappies makes you a tit.

9. Interacting with civilians:
•Making fun of your neighbour to his face for being fat will not make you popular in the neighbourhood.

10. Real jobs:
•They really can fire you. On the flip side you really can quit.
•Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal. Remember they really can quit too. You can’t tell your secretary to (Item deleted.) if she drops her pen. And taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
•Sport is no longer part of your working week. Wednesday afternoons are for work, just like every other afternoon.

11. (Item deleted as unfit for integration into civilian society.)

12. The Law:
•Your civvy boss, unlike your C/O, can’t save you and probably won’t. In fact most likely you will be fired about 5 minutes after he finds out you’ve been arrested.
•Even McDonalds do background checks, and “conviction” isn’t going to help you get the job.
•Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested and/or fired, not yelled at Monday morning before being asked if you won.

13. General knowledge:
•You can in fact really say what you think about the Queen in public.
•Pain is not weakness leaving the body. It’s just pain.
•They won’t wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are. Be polite.
•You no longer have to go to the POL point; just go to the BP garage like everyone else.

And finally…

14. Read the contracts before you sign them – remember what happened the first time…!!

(Order ends.)

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14 responses to Friday Briefing 2 (Notes for Civvy Street)

  1. Welcome to the real world, ladies and gentlemen. Dismissed.

  2. My NCOIC once remarked that it was tough to figure out who/what civilians were. They all wore different uniforms, and you couldn’t make out their rank. He was half serious.

  3. “And we encourage those eligible to reenlist.” Jeez, look at that stampede for the door. It’s no fun being the reup NCO.

  4. Rob, the boy bled OD. Us draftees drove him nuts. We didn’t have the proper military attitude. Jimi Hendrix! What? He considered us hippies. We encouraged him in this belief. It was entertaining. He shook his head a lot, and mumbled to himself about the Army going to hell.
    For the uninitiated- NCOIC = noncomissioned officer in charge, the guy in charge of your little band of nonunion elves, the bridge between the officers and us peasants.

  5. I’m pretty good with the King’s, but “nappies” has me stumped. (It’s what I would think Wallace would tell Grommet to go take, but why would you pay for one. So it must not mean what I think it means.) Throw a Yank a bone please!

  6. I say, Josh! I expect what that was, is diapers, in the UK.
    Churchill once remarked that we and Great Britain were two countries divided by a common language.
    The British folks here help me out with translations, being a Yank. Ask someone about the “dogs dangles”. I was amazed.

  7. Rob, gas and beaning! And you weren’t even trying! Well played, anyhow!
    Yeah, I figured there were alternate translations.

  8. This holds true today…don’t ask me how I know.

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